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Albert
Webmaster
USA
3747 Posts |
 Posted - November 02 2004 : 10:36:43 PM
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Well, tonight, some of you voted for president, and now you can vote for which movie I should review for the Rogue Reviewers Kung Foolery Roundtable! And I promise this vote won't drag on and on. I'll end it exactly one week from the time it starts.
Note that I may or may not write a full-fledged recap of the movie that wins. I might just do something short like what I've been doing for my Rogue Cinema reviews. Of course, I said that about my Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla review, and that turned out to be as long as a normal review, so we'll see.
I decided this time I should include some short descriptions. Otherwise, people will just vote for the most interesting-sounding title (which is probably how Beach Babes 2 won last time). I haven't seen any of these films, so I slapped together some synopses based on stuff written at the IMDb and posted in the suggestions thread. I apologize in advance to anyone I've ripped off.
I went through the suggestions thread and eliminated the movies that I wasn't interested in reviewing for various reasons (too expensive, too hard to find, I'm taking a break from bad comedies, etc.), and the candidates are:
The Clones of Bruce Lee – http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0075859/
Bruce Lee dies and a mad scientist steals his DNA to create three clones of Lee to work undercover for the government. The clones go up against evil movie studios, and also an army of overweight men in diapers covered with metallic paint who are supposed to be made out of bronze.
Crippled Masters - http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0122029/
Two men skilled in kung-fu are betrayed by their master and crippled for life, one left with no arms and the other with no legs. Despite their obvious disadvantages, they learn to combine their martial arts skills and seek revenge against the evil master. (Note: This one has been reviewed a lot by the B-Masters.)
The Dragon Lives Again AKA Deadly Hands of Kung Fu - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0165362/
The story follows Bruce Lee (actually, a Bruce Lee imitator) after he dies and ends up in Hell. Once there, he does the logical thing and opens a gym. A variety of '60s and '70s pop culture icons want to take over the Underworld, including James Bond, Clint Eastwood, the Exorcist, Emmanuelle, and the Chinese Dracula.
Drunken Wu Tang - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085628/
Features a Watermelon Monster. Need I say more? Also watch for the rat mobile! It's driven by "Ratface", a drunken Taoist who, after breaking a sacred statue, is made to find a virgin boy born on the 15th of August. Or something. It's a very difficult movie to make any sense out of.
Fantasy Mission Force - http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0079509/
Jackie Chan and company must rescue Abraham Lincoln from Nazis and ghosts. Has brief references to James Bond, Snake Plissken, and Rocky Balboa, along with a musical number, Asians in kilts, and the theme from Halloween.
Fist of Fear, Touch of Death - http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0080741/
Another Bruce Lee film made after his death. A reporter interviews fighters and promoters about Bruce Lee, intercut with footage from old Bruce Lee films and pseudo-documentary footage. It's a combination of stock footage, fake news programming, and terrible late-70's location shooting.
Game of Death - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077594/
Billy Lo, a film star who refuses to be forced into joining an international syndicate, is shot during filming. Lo uses this opportunity to pretend that the shot was fatal, setting up a public funeral, while he pursues the syndicate. Billy Lo is played partly by Bruce Lee, but is replaced by a different actor for the scenes that Lee was unable to film before his death. In a memorable scene, Billy Lo fights his way up a pagoda to find the boss of the syndicate, facing a different opponent on each floor, including the 7-foot-tall Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
The Last Dragon AKA Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon - http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0089461/
A minor cult favorite in which a young man searches for the "master", to obtain the final level of martial arts mastery known as "the glow". Along the way he must fight an evil martial arts expert and rescue a beautiful singer (Never Too Young to Die's Vanity) from an obsessed music promoter. (Note: This one has a pretty high rating on the IMDb, and probably is not that bad of a film.)
Legend of Eight Samurai - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086244/
An unabashedly pop-culture take on one of the pre-eminent samurai legends in Japanese folklore.
Princess Shizuhime's family is wiped out by a family of undead seeking revenge. The eight samurais can save her, but who and where are they? Features Sonny Chiba.
Seven Brothers vs. Dracula - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070297/
A Hammer Studios kung-fu vampire movie. It's set in China, has Peter Cushing, and the re-edited version (the original version is titled Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires) is a jumbled mess that leaves in all the action but cuts out most of the plot. From the folks that brought us Inframan.
Shaolin Dolemite - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0292232/
Rudy Ray Moore is edited into this martial-arts spoof that takes a cheap old kung-fu film and re-dubs it with "jive" new dialogue. The vast majority of the soundtrack consists solely of fighting sounds that might as well have been left over from the original film, and the new footage of the way-past-middle-age Moore cursing up a storm is clumsily integrated.
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| Results: |
| The Clones of Bruce Lee |
 [6%] |
2 votes |
| Crippled Masters |
[3%] |
1 votes |
| The Dragon Lives Again |
[25%] |
9 votes |
| Drunken Wu Tang |
[8%] |
3 votes |
| Fantasy Mission Force |
[28%] |
10 votes |
| Fist of Fear, Touch of Death |
[6%] |
2 votes |
| Game of Death |
[8%] |
3 votes |
| The Last Dragon |
[0%] |
0 votes |
| Legend of Eight Samurai |
[0%] |
0 votes |
| Seven Brothers vs. Dracula |
[14%] |
5 votes |
| Shaolin Dolemite |
[3%] |
1 votes |
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Poll Status:
Locked »» |
Total Votes: 36 counted »» |
Last Vote:
November 10 2004 06:11:39 AM |
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The Agony Booth Forums will be upgraded on Friday, May 16. |
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ryan
Gabriel Wakefield
USA
3628 Posts |
Posted - November 03 2004 : 06:46:35 AM
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| I voted for Fantasy Mission Force, since it sounds absolutely insane and would be pretty easy to write a review of. |
So what if your solo movies fell through so the studio decided to make a Justice League movie and introduce all of you at once but other directors have gone on record wishing that they'd waited until the Batman and Superman trilogies are done not to mention the fact that Christian Bale and Brandon Routh won't be along to give continuity which the fans desperately want but the studio seems to think that people won't be confused or turned off by much younger looking actors and are still rushing to make it a summer tentpole in spite of the innate fan disapproval on every fansite online which the studios claim to respect but every bit of forward momentum on this project causes fans everywhere to believe otherwise? It could still be okay. |
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Styling Shatner
A Rhinestone Cowboy
USA
3206 Posts |
Posted - November 03 2004 : 08:32:08 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by ryan
I voted for Fantasy Mission Force, since it sounds absolutely insane and would be pretty easy to write a review of.
Trust me, it is insane.
Since I've seen that film, though, I decided to vote for The Dragon Lives Again, because in comparison, it makes Fantasy Mission Force almost seem logical. |
"That was Old-School Santa. He wasn't always the kind guy who hands out toys once a year. Who do you think armed the colonists during the American Revolution? Yeah. Santa, bitches.".-Rymmie1981 |
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Klepto Fu Pete
Captain
Canada
1006 Posts |
Posted - November 03 2004 : 09:23:01 AM
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The Dragon Lives Again sounds like some really bad Turkish knock off film
like "3 Dev Adam" or "Turist Omer in Star Trek" with twisted versions of pop culture characters. Therefore I went with that one because there is so much comedic gold that needs to be panned from this movie. |
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bigmattyg
Lt. Commander
USA
93 Posts |
Posted - November 04 2004 : 10:18:31 AM
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Dragon Lives Again sounds really entertainingly bizarre, but having seen "Fist of Fear..." I have to say I can't imagine a film being much worse - and that's the goal, right?
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"Anyone here see 'Tron'?"
"No"
"No"
"No"
"No"
"Yes...I mean, no" |
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Radikal1
Smile when you say that...
Saint Barthelemy
1620 Posts |
Posted - November 04 2004 : 5:39:51 PM
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| Seven Brothers vs Dracula. That way, you get bad fung ku, bad Peter Cushing, and bad monsters, all in one nutritious, fun-filled, vitamin-packed glob |
"First smiles, then lies. Last comes gunfire."- Roland Deschain, of Gilead |
Edited by - Radikal1 on November 07 2004 7:15:27 PM |
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The Ancient Mariner
Patrician
Germany
1108 Posts |
Posted - November 05 2004 : 08:13:12 AM
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I voted for Game of Death, because it was shown on a "Bruce Lee Special" one night. They had the original version with German subtitles (no one wanted to dub a half-finished movie I guess). The fight between Lee and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has to be seen to be believed. It just looks bizarre.
Oh, and because the movie is built like a videogame, with different levels :) |
"It's like he went to the Brian Blessed School of Subtle Performance, but was thrown out for laughing too much." |
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1966tvbatman
Commander
USA
124 Posts |
Posted - November 05 2004 : 4:39:44 PM
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I thought reviewing bad Kung Fu was Dr. Freex department!
:-) |
Quickly Robin! To the Batmobile! We haven't a moment to lose! |
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Albert
Webmaster
USA
3747 Posts |
Posted - November 08 2004 : 12:22:04 AM
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Looks like we have a real horse race on our hands between The Dragon Lives Again (8 votes) and Fantasy Mission Force (7 votes). I should mention that I rented Fantasy Mission Force before, but I don't believe I was able to get through the entire thing. But then again, I have no idea if The Dragon Lives Again will be any better. So, I put my reviewing choice entirely in your hands.
Please note that this poll will be closed on Nov. 9 (Tuesday) at 10:36pm PST. So if you haven't voted already, make sure you do it before then.
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CineBomb2
Vegas Visor
USA
4135 Posts |
Posted - November 08 2004 : 06:41:46 AM
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| Fantasy Mission Force easily sounds like the funniest movie out of the group, Albert. Any film where Jackie Chan fights Nazis and ghosts to save Honest Abe is okay be me. :) |
The CineBomb Site: www.cinebomb.wordpress.com |
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Premier Blah
is killing space bitches in heaven
Canada
4631 Posts |
Posted - November 08 2004 : 06:44:16 AM
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| I agree with CB (hey that rhymes!) Fantasy Mission Force seems the most abso-ludicrous out of the bunch. |
"I've just found out that I have saboteurs in the tower! I still do not have the meteorite piece! I'm about to lose everything! We can talk about this later, if later even occurs!"
Clearly you all are not ready for space travel. I guess I'd better hang up my career as sci fact author.
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes.
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Xander
You want flies with that?
USA
1313 Posts |
Posted - November 08 2004 : 08:52:35 AM
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| I'm going for Seven Brothers vs. Dracula. It's pretty much out of the race, but it looks like the movie I'd most enjoy seeing. |
I could never sleep my way to the top because my alarm clock always wakes me right up. |
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Ed
The Once and Future Genrewriter
USA
2489 Posts |
Posted - November 10 2004 : 10:20:24 AM
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| I went for Fantasy Mission Force, it just sounds too weird to not be on the site. |
"How can the same thing happen to the same guy twice!" |
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Albert
Webmaster
USA
3747 Posts |
Posted - November 10 2004 : 1:39:50 PM
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The poll is finished, and by a one vote margin, it's...
Fantasy Mission Force
(Don't blame me, I voted for Shaolin Dolemite.)
So, I guess I will be renting this movie again. Hopefully, this time I'll be able to finish it.
Thanks for voting everybody. I hope I can get this up by early December (I still have three reviews to get to first!).
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The Agony Booth Forums will be upgraded on Friday, May 16. |
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Garko
Doombringer of the Great, Big..Doom-y...Thing
Bermuda
365 Posts |
Posted - November 11 2004 : 06:17:53 AM
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Rats! I voted Dolemite too!
Oh well, one day...one day...
(turns and walks off into sunset) |
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